I don’t know if you’ve ever asked yourself that question…
when you wake up in the morning and you’re OD and you realize it’s
getting harder to get up from bed, but you still work your way to the
hospital and face the next 24 hours with everything you’ve got…
ngaa gani?
When you’re On call and you just sat down from a very exhausting
rounds from the floors and your PGI or resident sees you resting and
say: “gatinamad ka naman?” And you keep your mouth shut and put up
with such crap even when you know you don’t deserve it…
ngaa gani?
When you miss meals to finish endless progress notes and case
discussions that only get criticized by your superiors who always find
something to criticize no matter how you try…
ngaa gani ah?
When your consultant barks at you for not knowing his/her name
(”intern ka palang wala ka na ga show respect sa imo coleagues”) or
when s/he holds a grudge over a “goodmorning” that wasn’t heard (”indi
ka gani ka greet sa consultant mo sa corridor”) and you say “sorry
doc, It won’t happen again doc.” and you swallow your dignity in front
of other people…
ngaa gid gani?
“Did you see your patient at the ER?” “No doc, because last night
three patients were intubated and needed Q15 min. monitoring. There
was only the two of us on duty.” “that’s not an excuse. do you think
you deserve an extension?” Your real answer is “definitely not!” but
instead you say: “It’s up to you doc.” or “Yes doc” or “sorry doc”….
ngaa gani?
And when your eyes grow tired and your hands grow stiff from bagging
someone you don’t even know…
ngaa gani?
And then the little baby you spent sleepless nights closely watching
at the wards suddenly shows up at the OPD looking well and healthy and
smiling at you like he has never been sick in his life…
Aah!
And then you find out your consultant was actually worse off when he
was an intern and you realize he’s trying to teach you the lesson he
learned the way he learned it…
Aah!
And then you see a fellow intern at the canteen, even one you were
never close with before and you spend the precious few minutes having
lunch and you realize that even without having spent much time
together you two already share a bond that you will carry with you
through time…
Aah!
we put up with all the crap we don’t deserve.
We swallow bitter pills we don’t really need.
We battle constantly against sleep and hunger and weariness because
we’re trying to become the versions of us who will one day do things
that others will thank God for.
It sounds very noble.
But the humility that we have to master before we get there makes us
worthier of the dignity of that MD.
Sleep becomes a precious gift.
Hello’s from fellow interns become wonderful reminders that we are not
alone.
Sometimes we tend to hate our sciences, but
it pays to know the physiology of a smile.
Or the anatomy of a handshake.
Or the chemistry of a kiss.
We get to witness women transforming into mothers.
The wave of a patient being discharged and pronounced healed is
priceless. Worthy of those endless discharge summaries.
And there is nowhere else in the world can you experience holding
someone’s breath in your hands
If you do find yourself asking that question… “Ngaa gid gani bala
ah?” you may not always get your answer. but it doesn’t mean it’s not
worth asking. I’m pretty sure that at the end of all this, we’ll find
ourselves saying:
Aah!, huo gali no?…
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