Hindi ako maganda. Alam ko yan. Hindi ako maputi. Hindi ako payat. Sa family ko, I’m the recessive gene. Ako lang ang mataba. Sa family picture,ako lang ang kailangan tumihin para kunyari matangkad.Ako lang ang hindi biniyayaan ng makinis na kutis. Ako ang pinakacowboy. Ako lang ang hinahayaang maglakwatsa na walang bodygard dahil siguradong walang papansin sakin. I’m almost a nonentity in the looks department. I don’t stand out in a crowd. I don’t turn heads when I walk the street. Hindi ako artistahin. karaniwang tao lang ako. And I like me that way. It gives me the freedom to discover my own world without restrictions from otherwise overprotective elders. Between us, sisters, Ako lang ang pinagkatiwalaang pag-aralin sa Manila dahil ako lang ang hindi pinagkakaabalahan. No fear, baga. She can handle herself, they say. Pero actually, hindi ako kailangan ihatid-sundo in the fear na kidnappin dahil hindi ako mukhang mayaman. Ergo, magaling ako magcommute. Kaya kong mgalakwatsa na mag-isa and still have a hell of a good time. It makes me look into myself and discover what I’m made of. It has made me independent and strong. Hindi man tantalyzing ang mga mata ko, I know how to look at the world with eyes wide open. Hindi rin tempting ang lips ko, pero I can carry a sensible conversation that can make a difference. Hindi rin cute ang mga tenga ko, but listening is my gift. Puro peklat ang balat ko, pero those scars carry with them a history of my childhood that I shall never wish to erase. My legs are short but I stand up to my desicions. my hands are knobly, but I can transform a rock into an angel. Oo, hindi ako kagandahan, pero, totoo ako pagnagmahal. tapat akong kaibigan. masunuring bata. My kind of beauty is the one you don’t see right away. It’s the kind you discover little by little everyday…tanong mo sa boypren ko. peks man.
Written May 8,2007
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