What if?

what if everything we believe in would suddenly turn out to be wrong?

what if the only heaven there really is happen to be the one we are already in?

what if the messiah is already walking amongst us and we didn’t even know?

What if van gogh was right and we have all become neurotic without even realizing it?

what if judas never betrayed christ?

what if it was his destiny and his pupose?

what if it was the task he had to fulfill so that Jesus could fulfill his?

would it not mean that he was braver and more deserving of heaven than all the other saints combined because he would have taken on the burden of eternal judgement from millions of christians to come? would he not be the martyr who agreed to be called the unforgiven sinner, the betrayer of the christ, so that you and I can call ourselves christans today?

what if our universe was nothing but a microorganism to another higher being, oblivious of our existence?

what if our cells are actualy their own universes just as oblivious of our existence because we are too impossible to fathom?

what if the horizon was an actual object instead of an imaginary line that recedes whenever you try to arrive at it? would dreams be easier to reach?

what if the people we call crazy are the ones who are acually enlightened by the Truth?

what if Fate is a living creature?

playing dice?

with God?

What if we wake up one day and realize that existence is actually a choice, and not a random lottery of sperms racing for eggs?

what if we chose to be born to the life we already have? would it mean that we have an equal privledge of choosing to die? would destiny hold any meaning if everything in life was actually a choice?

what if i close my eyes tonight and choose never to wake up?

or what if i just stop right here because I’m already beginning to scare myself…

written April 22, 2006