May is a Woman

"Shock-Shock-Horror-Horror-Shock-Shock-Horror. The female of the species is deadlier than the male..."

That's a line from the song "The Female of the Species" by Space that's been playing over and over in my head like a broken record. It reminds me of black widow spiders and queen bees and that terrible monarch who cuts off people's heads in Alice in Wonderland.

Maybe it's because I had a moment of bitchiness yesterday while trying to get a cab on my way home from work. I was getting into one when this traffic enforcer slammed the cab door shut in front of me and ordered me to fall in line at the taxi bay because, according to him, it was prohibited to hail cabs in that certain area. I was already a bit annoyed by his audacity to slam the cab door just when I was already about to climb into it, but, good citizen as I was brought up to be, I swallowed the curse that was at the tip of my tongue and fell in line. The classic irony of it all was that even though the line was about a mile long, the cab drivers just refused to take that extra u-turn to pick up passengers. So it was like one taxi cab in 30 minutes tops. Everybody's heads were emitting smoke signals because the world was a microwave oven and tempers were close to explosions. Then after about an hour in that line, it was finally my turn. I only had to wait for a certain cab to take a u-turn, when all of a sudden, this fair skinned lady in an almost see-through summer dress came walking to that very spot where a cab door was slammed in front of me.

And guess what?

Mr. Law-Enforcing Traffic Enforcer hailed her a cab (MY CAB), opened the god damned door for her and assisted her into her carriage like a princess, with a toothy "have a nice day, ma'am."

Every female in line with me must have lifted their eyebrows in utter outrage and the temperature just went 3 to 4 degrees hotter.

Someone shouted: "Yun ba ang kelangan gawin dito para makakuha lang ng taxi? kumerengkeng?!"

And the stupid male had the gall to flash his toothy smile and said: "kanya-kanyang diskarte lang po kasi dito ma'am."

And that was the punchline that blew off the top of my head. There was a list of swear words already lining up behind my tongue, BUT...

"Eh gago ka pala eh!"
"Gusto mo malaman kung anong klaseng diskarte pwede namin gawin sayo?!"
"Mukha mo kaya ipara ko sa taxi?!GUSTO MO?!"
"Hoy panget, ayusin mo ha! baka gusto mong makakita ng maraming legs?!"

...they came from all directions, mostly from behind me. I thought they were going to be baring their fangs and manicured claws at the stupid, stupid fellow. I would not pity him, I'm sorry to say. Any rational man would know never to mess with a group of angry females especially when their make ups are starting to cake under the heat of a summer's noonday sun.

The month of May is a Woman.

In May, little girls in white gather flowers for the Lady in Blue who mothered the Savior. She is gentle and kind, but I do not believe she is as faint-hearted as they imply. Any woman who has to watch her own son suffer has a lot more balls than that traffic enforcer, I would say.

The first May rain brings her daughters the gift of beauty. In some parts of the country, May is the time of festivities where women rule the streets and men just stand back and watch Womanhood lose inhibitions. Nick Joaquin understands. Even the sound of the name when it rolls out of one's tongue is filled with womanly grace. May...

But the blue moon and the summer's heat has nothing to do with the passions and the fires that ever burn in a woman's heart. That furnace has embers glowing the whole year round. Some men are just stupid. They carelessly spill around their combustibles that sometimes there are explosions here and there.

So the poor fellow backed away, suddenly realizing his grave, grave mistake and hailed a cab for all the egos he has offended. Me being the first in the line.

As if trying to make up for his unforgivable sin, he opened the door for me, helped me load in my bags and said: "magandang hapon po ma'am."

And I, self-observing ego functioning and well oiled for the day, said, "salamat." Even when what I'm actually saying in my mind is: "ANAK NG KEWK-KWEK MO! GAGO KA! MASUBSOB KA SANA SA IMBURNAL!"

The month of May is a Woman.

And she just happened to be PMS-ing.