Last Saturday, it was Mom and Daughter Day for Promise and me. Christopher and I had an out-of-town weekend vacation planned with some of his ortho-buddies, but it got cancelled. Then Nanay Ring had to do laundry at my brothers' place in Cubao, so Promise and I had the day to ourselves. We went window-shopping at the mall. She fell in love with a Stitch doll that she found while I was busy browsing through a stack of "untangable" (yes, I know it's not a word but it says so on the label) earphones. When she's older, I will have to make her argue why her Stitch Doll was more important than my "untangable" earphones, but for now, I am guilty of having ignored her several times for the past few weeks, so Stitch Doll it is: a remembrance of my attempt at undoing the repercussions of my past neglect. Tsk. Tsk.
We had lunch with her Ninang Yinyin at this Thai Restaurant where they had superb seafood soup. Then Ninang Yin, being in the mood for Fairy-Godmother-hood, bought her some early Christmas presents.
We took her to Toy Kingdom and set her free.
Let me repeat that, because it's important.
We took her to Toy Kingdom.
AND SET HER FREE...
Did you hear the hallelujah fanfare music that came with that statement?
Yes. I don't suppose any adult could argue that that must be a child's definition of ultimate bliss. So, let the records show: We took her to Toy Kingdom and set her free.
(HAAAAAAAHH-LLLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HAH-LLLLEEEEEEH-LUJAH!...
:)
Anyway, we took home a pink dollhouse with 28 pieces inclusive of little furniture, a miniature family that came with a pet dog, a functional doorbell and colorful lights. And for the record, as of the moment, Pink Plastic Dollhouse with Functional Doorbell strumps Mom, five to zero.
I only become important again when a door hinge is stuck or when the miniature dog is missing. I should feel worried that my present status is second only to the missing miniature dog, but I can't help myself. I'm happy when she's happy. She discovered a way to make fun of Manang B by pressing her little doorbell and watching Manang B hurry to open our door to an empty hallway. She did it three times before Manang B figured it out. Haha!
Anyway, Promise was also a topic of discussion in my supervision sessions this semester. My homework was to write out a personal history and try to understand myself using the same theories we use to understand our patients.
And Lo and Behold.
I have a pattern of behavior that tended to escape stressful situations like a runaway bride. When I was gearing up for med school and got anxious about going to UST, I flew to Iloilo and enrolled there without telling my parents. When Christopher and I broke up for the first time, I dropped all my plans to apply for specialty training and escaped to Boracay and called it "finding myself." When I found out I was pregnant, I dropped all my prior commitments and flew to Manila to take on any job that would keep me here, because I was horrified of being stuck in the province forever without getting a chance to do something with my life ever again. I truly, truly believed that if I stayed and had my baby there, I would never have the nerve for adventures ever again. Silly me, right?
And now I'm at another crossroads. Specialty training is about to end in 3 months. I'm getting married in 4. And I'm busy browsing through job opportunities in Singapore.
...
I must be really, really afraid.
...
"You know it will be harder to run away when you have a baby in tow." Said my supervisor with a knowing smile.
And I couldn't give her an answer. So I just sat there and looked stupid.
"Haven't you wondered what made your fiance propose to you at the time that he did, even when he's not yet done with his training? Orthopedics is a stressful specialty. I don't think he will be benign in the next few years. Do you think he knows you better than you know yourself? Is he afraid you might be running away after you graduate?"
I just sat there and looked stupid.
I've never given it thought before. In fact, when I plunged into specialty training 3 years ago, I was convinced that I was being independent and insisted on standing on my own two feet. At the time, it did not feel like running away. It felt more like, a frantic grasping for something to hold on to lest I fall and not get up.
And now Promise is two and terribly so. Christopher is still his usual laid-back-watch-the-game-all-day-on-the-living-room-couch-with-popcorn-and-a-giant-mug-of-coke kind of self. At least when he's at home. And I'm...
I'm browsing for job opportunities in Singapore.
:)
Maybe I should just wear running shoes underneath my wedding dress in January?...
Yung tipong, tatakbo sabay sabi ng: "habulin mo ko!" with matching playful background music and fake flirty laughter habang nagpapahabol...
(blech!)
Kung hindi ako masapak dahil sa mga katarantaduhan ko... Haist!
Makatulog na nga!
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