I want to teach you so many things, but I know I may never be able to prepare you for all the heartbreaks you might have to endure in your life. For now, my dearests, perhaps we can start with sand castles.
Oh Promise, how you patiently willed your little fingers to shape those sandy towers with care so they won't crumble at your touch! I watched with pride how each seashell underwent such scrutiny before you decided if they deserved a place in your sandy palace. I saw too, how your face was set in avid concentration as you dug and shoveled and shaped and poured. I will remember it forever because it was one of those moments when I was so vividly aware of my un-importance in your life. There was no one else in your world then but you and your sand castle. And that is okay too, my love. Because I know I won't be physically present for you forever and that you will have to face the world on your own someday.
And my little Heaven, how intelligent you seemed when you examined the sand between your toes, as though their presence beneath your toenails was a quintessence without which, the sun will not shine. There was no confusion in your face at their intrusion into your otherwise un-effaced determination to touch and taste everything. But there was a demand from your gestures that the beach was something you just had to know immediately and surely and intimately. Perhaps you are too young to build sand castles with your sister. But you're growing up too fast for my liking already.
And here is the thing, my little dearests. I will take you here everyday to build sandcastles if it means your happiness, but tomorrow your castle will be gone. No matter how carefully you make it. No matter how far from the waves you think you are, tomorrow your sand castle will be gone. It is the nature of the ocean to take back what belongs to her and that includes your little masterpiece. Such is life my little barefoot prinsesas. There will always be things that you cannot control. There will always be things that you won't be able to keep no matter how you try. And sand castles are one of them. They're just not made to last. Their purpose is to make you happy for a while. To make you imagine. To make you create. To make you play. To make you realize that there are bigger things out there that you can make. Things made to last.
Sand castles are great and the memory they leave will be something you can look back to when you wish to recall the fleeting bliss of the childhood in the beach that I am making sure you're enjoying now. But in the things that matter, always, always make something stronger than sand castles.
When you find that person who will be your best friend for life, don't build your friendship out of something that can be washed away.
When you find that person who will be your great love, don't make something that the winds can easily destroy.
And most important of all, you should always remember that you are made of stronger stuff yourselves. So that when you've done all you can and things still go out of control, don't give up. You don't need to be afraid of sand castles either. You just need to understand their nature and enjoy them for what they are. And the beauty of the ocean is that just as it washes away today's sand castles, it makes fresh canvases for you everyday too. So you can always try again and have fresh beginnings.
I cannot stop the waves, my loves. And I cannot stop the heartaches and disappointments that will soon come. But you, my darlings, are not made of sand. You are made of my dreams, and my tears, and my happiness, and my prayers, and my promises fulfilled, and my conviction to keep standing back up after a fall. You are everything that is good in me because you are a reflection of the most selfless kind of love I never thought I could have.
I will always remember that moment forever because I was so vividly aware of my un-importance in your lives. But I'm here still, even when you've forgotten me for a while. I'm here still, even when you will someday no longer need me. I'll be here, still, watching you build your sand castles; watching you make your little discoveries until they grow into existential light bulbs that are sure to lead you to some path leading further and further away from me.
But I will always be here.
Because my love for you is not made of sand.
And no ocean can wash it away.
This I promise.
Love,
Mom :)
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